Grown Up Guilt

When you are small, meaning a non-adult; pushed around child - Guilt is thrust upon you. Those starving people in Africa (the non-dieters). You take on - all the "what have I done to deserve this stuff?"If your father only knew - I think Guilt is especially dealt by Moms, don't you? You arrive at adulthood and you do all the wrong things, but you can't admit that.... Cause YOU're the MOM. But you feel it. Deep Down you know. You weren't there for their first basketball game, or any subsequent game. You were too busy dealing with the Karma of a horrible job, or a really bad marriage. You needed to escape and there weren't anymore pieces of you left to give away - YOU were drained - devoid - in your thirties being the super mom - who worked and cleaned and cooked - and got little love or attention - you were supposed to vanish in thin air. The MOM MYSTIQUE.

And then you are fifty - the marriage is over - you have changed jobs - you have moved and given up the hobby that took you away from the misery (whether it was bridge or volleyball or a raucous affair)

And you feel that gnawing GROWN UP GUILT and you need to make it up to the kids. Forget the husbands it was always all their fault right from the GET GO. Their fault you went through labor and got fat and made you feel undesirable and didn't earn enough so you had to work and do everything.

So now you are Guilt ridden and think can I fill up their weekends and be all things and everywhere? Can I help them clean and take them to dinner and anything else because I have this Guilt and Maybe just Maybe if I am all that self sacrificing Mom to them now they will forget I wasn't there when they were little.

Nah it ain't gonna happen. You are lucky if they like you. It would take special dispensation from somewhere not of this world, to get rid of that Grown UP Guilt.